Monday, December 5, 2011

OMG! 90's Movies!?!

 I woke up at 8:30 today, I don't know why, I guess I did get into bed pretty early last night. Anyway, it was already light out and I could't fall back asleep, but I sure as hell was't getting up yet. So I thought I'd put on a shitty movie to help me fall asleep. But it was too shitty, I had to watch it. It had to have been made this year, and I could only tell because the latest Britney and Gaga hoarded the soundtrack. It was a movie called Teen Spirit. Now you have to understand something about me, I have a weak spot for cheesy teen movies, I mean the cheesiest of cheese, like I've got the blues, lathering myself in expected plot lines. But this movie was ...really really bad. The mean girl dies at her prom as she is grabbing for her prom queen title blah blah blah , it's so stupid i don't even want to explain how she died, but she gets sent to limbo where Tim Gunn tells her she needs to turn the most unpopular girl in the school into prom queen and then she could go to heaven. 
That's when I started to miss movies from the 90's. Other than the plot line and the soundtrack I had many qualms with Teen Spirit 1. iphones and ipad commercial. You see one or the other or both the entire time. 2.Seemed like more like propaganda for girls in high school to be pretty but nice to others. My biggest problem was that the main mean girl takes this girl in for 5 days and plays barbie with her and gives her extensions and turns her into a mean girl, but in the end the girl never changes back to herself, they just stay at prom and are totally cool with this bogus speech this girl just made about how we should all just get along. That's what made me think of Clueless, in the end Tai goes back to being herself turned around the make-over and ends up dating Travis, the skater dummy that "no sophisticated woman would date." But Shakespeare wrote the concept. 
The characters were also really unrelatable. I didn't like anyone, usually you hate the mean girl, but you want her there, and you love the good one. In any way, I decided to pull up some of my favorite scenes/ fashion/ red-ness from some great 90's teen movies. 
we need a revival.
 Fluffy pens!!!! I remember I wanted one more than anything, but when I came to school with one I got laughed at by my entire table (4th grade) ..sanrio was really in at that particular school in the sunset. 
Cher: Okay, so you're probably going, "Is this like a Noxzema commercial or what?" But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl.
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 4th-6th grade fashion icons. 

 something mentos ,
mentos fresher, 
something something mentos something something
fuuull of life. 
 I love the water bottle chain purse. Knee high stockings and school girl skirts. I almost forgot about the white button down work shirt under a sweater vest. My dad had given me one of his old work shirts, but I was way smaller so it didn't work out for me then.  I just now realized I didn't find a picture of her closet, which is a computer logged full of the items in her closet with a picture of herself so she could sample them, pick out an outfit and the closet would bring what she picked out. I wanted that when I was a kid and it was way harsh to find out that it didn't exist because it was the only reason why I wanted to be rich. 
"you guy's got coke here?"
 Heather: It's just like Hamlet said, "To thine own self be true." 
Cher: Hamlet didn't say that. 
Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately. 
Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did. 
 oh college looking paul rudd.....
Tai: Hey, did you see that?
Cher: Ugh. Skateboards. That's like so five years ago.
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 I felt like Tai when I was a kid and always hoped one day I'd meet a popular girl to give me a make-over and hang out with me all the time. I guess I didn't get the moral then. 
Tai: Shit, you guys, I have never had straight friends before!
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  Now that I'm older and I see what book he's reading this part is even more hilarious
Josh: Hey, in some parts of the universe, maybe not in contempo-casual, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world.
Cher: Thank you Josh. I SO need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me the part about Kenny G again?
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Cher: So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much. 
 Amber: Was I the only one listening?I thought it reeked. 
Cher: No I believe that's your designer imposter perfume. 
 Amber: Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose. 
Dionne: Well, there goes your social life. 
 Cher: Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie. 
 I actually thought these guys were the cute ones, it was one of my favorite parts when "all the young dudes" comes on and cher has her speech about dating guys in high school. She says something like "and they expect to roll out of bed , put on some jeans and backwards cap and we're supposed to SWOON over them? as if!"

 Mighty Mighty Bosstones. this part was helpful for my ska phase. The soundtrack for this movie is awesome! 
 Murray: Your man Christian is a cake boy! 
CherDionne: A what? 
Murray: He's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm saying? 
Cher: Uh-uh, no way, not even! 
Murray: Yes, even; he's gay! 
Dionne: He does like to shop, Cher. And the boy can dress. 
Murray: Woman, lend me fi' dollas.
Dionne: Murray, I have asked you repeatedly not to call me "woman".
Murray: Excuse me, "Ms. Dionne."
Dionne: Thank you.
Murray: Okay, but, street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily in misogynistic undertones.
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Another 90's Teenage Shakespeare take. I remember when this movie finally came out on VHS, my best friend and I watched it over and over trying to get tips from Kat for when we got to high school. We were in 7th grade at the time, so at that time high school seemed glorious and the only thing we were looking forward to in our lifetime. Kat was the bad ass loner with one friend, loved to read and write and was super ,like, waaayyy sophisticated, played guitar, femenist, had a rad car the intro is the best, when some preppy girls are listening to barenaked ladies and she pulls up to them listening to" I don't care about my bad reputation. " She was way into girl bands and went to shows she was everything we wanted to be. The last scene is awesome Save Ferris on the top of the school as the camera pans out
 Michael: I have a dick on my face, don't I? 
Another thing about 90's movies I miss is the reality of a teenager mixed with the dream. Today it's full dream, for kids and parents, no possible influence of drinking, smoking and swearing. The scene where Kat gets drunk and throws up at the swings is key! It wouldn't be as interesting if they all were good and didn't act like real teenagers that smoke weed, have sex and throw up.
cock and balls on the face, what kind of teen movie would have that now? I can't even think of any teen movies, is twilight taking the places of the best teen dream movies? damn you.

 Kat Stratford: Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half of his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers. 
 This reminds me! How could I ever forget Slums of Beverly Hills? Man , I will have to go back on that and get together an outfit of my own to go along with that...
if you haven't seen it, you should it's amazing. Natasha Leyonne. I hate American Pie, but she was the one good thing about that movie, plus her curly hair is amazing!

 Alex Mac and that kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun
 Bianca: People expect me to be there! 
Walter Stratford: Kat's not going, you're not going! 
Bianca: Why can't you be normal? 
Kat Stratford: Define normal. 
Bianca: Bogey Lowenstein's party is normal. 
Walter Stratford: What's a Bogey Lowenstein? 
Kat Stratford: Bogey's party is just a lame excuse for all the idiots at our school to drink beer and rub up against each other in hopes of distracting themselves from the pathetic emptiness of their meaningless... 
BiancaChastity: ...meaningless, consumer-driven lives. 

 read this book because of this movie in 7th grade.
Kat Stratford: You can't just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know?
Patrick: Yeah, I know. But then, you know, there's always drums, and bass, and maybe even one day a tambourine.
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 "I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all"

 Can't Hardly Wait. I liked the outcast group from this movie, but I couldn't stand Jennifer Love Hewitt. That guy that is chasing after her the entire time it's somewhat depressing, kind of like real life where whatever boy i and thought was cute would be chasing after some other big boobed bimbo, and I'm sitting there watching. 
Seth Green is most of this movie for me. Seeing him act like a white boy gangster is a hilarious concept, he pulls that off just as well as he pulls of gay, which kind of works after a bit if you think of about it.
I hid my crush on him from everyone, I was embarrassed of his character in this movie. god such a dweeb 

 Melissa Joan Heart in the 90's, god she was adorable! Drive me Crazy!!! I love that movie, I just recently watched it again. That was around the time she was friends with 90's Britney. ahhh.... i, like, so totally wanted to be, like, their besties

Goth 90's teen dream movie. No Way! I remembered Fairuza Balk when I first saw this movie in 5th grade from Return to Oz. Which is a great movie, not a follow-up to the Wizard of Oz (which is probably my favorite movie ever), Wizard of Oz is a MGM film and Return to Oz is disney or something or other, two totally different concepts the only thing I think they tried to tie together were the ruby slippers, children watching it would probably like to keep the ruby slippers in there. What I'm getting at is Fairuza Balk is forever the creepiest actress I've ever heard of, and I love her. She was also the girlfriend in Waterboy, remember? 
The Craft.... nooses in their locker, secret seances in their bedrooms, hideout off the beach to drink and smoke pot, spells , black lipstick and hormones!!! oh my!

Driver: Watch out for the weirdos, girls.
Nancy: We are the weirdos, mister.
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 sick earring

 light as a feather stiff as a board

My mom actually had this movie laying around the house and I didn't find it Until I stayed home from school sick one week and locked myself in my room with the t.v. and VHS player watching whatever my mom had. When I was done with it, I rewound it and watched it again, and then again, and again until I remembered most of the jokes and key lines. Why was my mom hiding this? I asked her! She said she didn't know I would like it. Are you kidding? I was going through my "i'm so freakin' punk, have you heard of this band?" phase. Main girl from the craft too? Shaves her head. She rules. The kid that steals the CDs? From Welcome to the Dollhouse. Liv Tyler and Renee Zelwegger before ultimate fame .
Mark: Hey, Lucas. I've decided I'm going to start a band.
Lucas: The first thing you need is a name. Then you'll know what kind of band you've got.
Mark: Right, right. I was thinking about, um, Marc. How does that sound?
Lucas: Is that with a C or with a K?
Mark: Well my name is with a
[checks his nametag]
Mark: K, so I was thinking my band's name could be with a C. That way it's kind of that psychedelic, you know, trip thing.
Lucas: Always play with their minds.
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 as soon as i got my job in a record shop i realized it was nothing like Empire Records, nothing at all. 
no dancing :(

 Warren: Who glued these quarters down? 
A.J.: I did. 
Warren: What the hell for, man? 
A.J.: I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren. 
A.J.: You did have hair when you went in there, right?
Debra: Yeah. It's still in the sink, if you want to glue it.
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 Lucas: Warren, look what you took. 
[going through the CD's that Warren stole from the store
Lucas: Rap... metal... rap... metal... And Whitney Houston. 
Warren: It's for my girlfriend, okay? 
Lucas: Suuure it is. You know, someone like you needs to diminish their criminal impulses, not magnify them. Maybe some jazz or some classical. 
Warren: Maybe you bite me. 

 Debra: I went to rock and roll heaven, and I wasn't on the guest list. 
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 [Answering the phone] 
Mark: Empire Records, open 'til midnight, this is Mark. 
Mark: Midnight. 
Lucas: Mark, who's your favorite singer?
Mark: Axl.
Lucas: Well if Axl Rose was driving down the highway, and saw Rex Manning stranded on the side of the road, do you think Axl Rose would stop and help him?
Mark: [thinks] ... Does Axl have a jack?
Warren: No way man!... Axl would pound on the gas, turn the wheel, take aim, and take that sucker out!
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Foxfire was imaginary to me when I first saw it. Angelina Jolie in combat boots traveling around turning teenage girls into packs of feminests listening to bikini kill and threatening jocks. ahhhhh stick and poke tattoos, secret hideout house buried deep enough to you can't hear them raging to "Let's get Fucked up" . It has a weird turnaround in the end but it will always make me cry to see legs leave in the end. 

Mr. Parks: What are you girls, hmm? Some kind of gang? Girls who run with foxes and that sort of thing? 
 Rita Faldes: I'm afraid of heights. I'm not afraid of getting high. 
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 My band Tantrum did a cover of Rita's song that she sings in the super market. 

 Welcome to the Dollhouse is one of the best movies I've ever seen. That was another one of my finds at mom's house during my sick week, this one too I watched repeatedly. There were a lot of things I could relate to and the script surprised me, I had seen a lot of movies with raunchy language, but looking back the one scene I go to first is when the boy is threatening to rape her to hang out with her and she goes, I thought it was kind of sweet in it's own juvenile hormonal-agro way.There was also a lot of focus on kids teasing her about possibly being a lesbian, I was having the same issues at the time and it was really nice to see something so real like that in a movie and how it's dealt in other cases, not just a big teen party and characters that I honestly could never be. Sure the entire time I was growing up my main goal in life was to go to parties and get asked out by a boy, somehow be the smartest, strongest , wittiest confident beautiful girl I saw in every movie I watched. But when I first watched this movie I .....was really happy. I feel like I can't really describe it anymore.
Oh!  Aaaannnndddd I'm in love with her outfits. 
Dorky girlie grandma vibe. 

 Dawn Weiner: Why do you hate me? 
Lolita: Because you're ugly. 
 Steve Rodgers: Special people? 
Dawn Weiner: Yeah. 
Steve Rodgers: Do you know what "special people" means? 
Dawn Weiner: What? 
Steve Rodgers: Special people equals retarded. Your club is for retards. 

 Dawn Weiner: [walks up to Lolita] Can I sit here? 
Lolita: If you feel like it. 
[looks at Dawn eating her lunch
Lolita: Someone barfed that 4th period. 
Cookie: [walks up with cheeleaders] Hey, Dawn, sorry to bother you, but we were just wondering... Are you a lesbian? 
[camera cuts to Dawn
Cookie: Well, are you? 
Dawn Weiner: No! 
Lolita: Liar. She made a pass at me. 
Cookie: [with group] Lesbo, Lesbo, Lesbo. 

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